Of vermins and men

Herewith a quick rundown of the horror fantastic good time that was our very first Stonecore run at lvl 81 over the weekend.

Introduction: it’s not you, it’s all of you

Zone in to Stonecore. Bear tank. Erring on the side of caution, I hit the Earthshaper with Repentance and wait for the tank to pull. Which he does, by charging in and swiping, killing my CC. I spend some time locking down the ‘shaper, but in the meantime the healer’s got a loose berserker and some little stone elementals on her that the tank apparently feels are good for her self-esteem or something. Aggro just means they love you more. Healer manages to keep us all alive until the end of the pull, just prior to which she falls over dead.

Tank promptly declares us a “nibblet group” and drops party. I am SO HEARTBROKEN, you have no idea*.

Part 1: hi there, big fella

Replacement tank is an ISO standard lvl 82 belf DK. We take everything up to and including Slabhide out with mathematical grace. Into the hall before Ozruk, I figure the DK will use their standard “deathgrip sentry up, tank everything else when it gets here” pull, so I CC the portal-shaper.

Just as Death and Decay drops under the group.

Okay, fine, gogo interrupts before we’re up to our armpits in imps. Everything’s just settling in when I see the purple lightning bolts of a DG heading off my screen. No worries, that’s probably just a sentry…

And then Cuddles the bruiser comes bouncing in in his inimitably cheerful way. “Oh hey guys, this looked like fun! GROUP HUG!”

Intermission: paralysis makes it easier, I swear

After annihilating that little group of horror, I managed to stand around in 2 doses of Shatter. So pro, folks. Try it at home**.

Part 2: the return of Cuddles the lovable giant

After downing Ozruk, healer stands around a bit checking out the trink that dropped. Meanwhile the tank is already on his merry way, followed by the rest of the party. It’s like an edition of pied piper up in here. One of the nice ones that you used to get as kids, with the gold binding. These are non-elites, so it should be no sweat.

Wait a sec, did the mage just blink into those flayers at the side? Um, yeah, guess so since he just fell over dead. Healer realises something’s up, comes charging into the room, starts healing and…

Realises that Cuddles the giant had a little brother on patrol in the initiate’s chamber. Cuddles the Second*** spots the healer making pretty lights, and makes like a tragically hideous moth to flame. So we’ve now got complete initiate chaos, Flayers flailing madly, one giant bouncing, and probably a partridge in a pear tree if anyone could actually target it.

Part 3: lots and lots of little numbers

Somehow having kept our heads above water in the initiate chamber, we rez up and regroup at the entrance to the final chamber. I take a quick look at the tank, and a sneaking suspicion dawns. Just as I check and confirm that yes, all of my CDs are still on cooldown, the tank decides to prove my reptile hindbrain right by charging in and grabbing all 60 initiates in front of Whatserface the Amazing Floating Priestess****. He lasts what has to be a record-breaking 3 seconds before keeling over. Fortunately the mobs only last another 3 after that.

Conclusion: lo, there do I see the line of my people

Thirteenth warrior is a great movie, even with all of the anachronisms. Anyway, we spanked Little Miss Mascara, looted and emerged triumphant. Go team RDF!


* May or may not contain sarcasm. Consult your doctor before attempting naked warthog wrestling. Beware of diabetes.

** Do not try this at home.

*** Mommy was a gronn, okay? One name’s hard enough, call it there.

**** Aka Least Interesting Endboss, aka Wait, We’re in Combat?, aka Didn’t I See You On An Evanescence Cover Once. Seriously, at release this boss was indistinguishable from her trash. If it wasn’t for Leaden Despair I think most parties would forget to do her entirely.


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