Feeling unphased

Spoiler warning trololo. Although if you haven’t played this content yet you probably won’t be arsed to in Mists either. Do not be alarmed; this indicates only that you have more than three braincells to rattle in your think-pan.


Look at that goblin on the left. She’s just made it out of her starting zone and her armour looks distressingly like someone skinned her alive… but the clouds, the plants, that neat little gate on the left – those all look super neat and cheerful.

Unfortunately it’s also a bit misleading. About 10 minutes of the goblin starting zone looks like that, scrunched between 6 levels in an industrial shithole and another 4 in that same beautiful lush forest… except that now it’s being used as The Destroyer’s personal darkroom. Who knew he was so into macro photography?

Anyway… the only other mechanical* issue of the goblin zone is that it seems to have been designed for large capacity. Which can be pretty frustrating when there’s no-one around to help you.

Who dimmed the lights? This isn’t exactly a romantic fucking candlelit dinner.

The quest A Goblin in Shark’s Clothing, for instance, is currently balanced so that it’s effectively impossible to go toe-to-toe alone with the enemy you’re told to kill… yet you’ll fail by only a second or two, leading the player to believe that it’s their own fault. Meanwhile if you follow the handy little Wowhead link there – which a new player probably wouldn’t know to find – you’ll see that players have been proclaiming the quest unsoloable since around 4.3 unless you kite the enemy using a non-directional attack which you’re never actually told is non-directional. Oh, and since the whole place is is phased, no asking a guildie to help out either. Yeah, ten points for your awesome newbie-friendly starting areas there, guys.

This image, on the other hand, is almost perfectly representative of the Gilneas Experience™. Fog, grey, mountains, forest, damp.

Still, as annoying as Kezan and co. can be at times, at least they’re not the broken-ass mess that is Gilneas.

Oh my god, Gilneas.

I really don’t get how anyone plays a Worgen other than as a Death Knight.

I logged four bug reports going through the miserable landscape of wretched ghastliness. Not on the test realms – on live. And I only log bug reports if something is so insanely broken that it effectively prevents progress. Gilneas alone doubled the number of reports I’ve made in my entire playing career.

The fetch-quest that only hands in if you stand in the exact perfect (unmarked) spot and which you have to hand in 5 times; the phasing bug where my quest mobs literally disappeared like mist as I approached them; NPCs ignoring the helper mobs that were supposed to distract them and descending on me in a maelstrom of suffering as the helper mobs despawned while standing around looking stupid; the Battle for Gilneas (quest, not BG) randomly restarting for no apparent reason; Sylvanas’ ridiculously inflated HP – since fixed; the bosses in BfG gaining the regen buff from the Rapier you’re given to buff your own troops; the airship event taking around 15 minutes to start… I’m told that there are other bugs that I didn’t trip over, and I literally cannot believe that this zone ever made it through a QC pass, much less managed to get released in this state.

So yeah. Both of these characters were deleted the moment they made it out of their respective starting zones. In the future I think I’ll stick to racial starting areas where if something goes tragically wrong, you can either get a buddy in for some good ol’ fashioned muscle flexin’ or simply take off for another race’s starting zone. Or pick flowers and grind through to [BG/Dungeon] o’ clock that way, I ain’t gonna judge.

Good luck to anyone planning on rolling a panda on the 25th. You’re likely going to need it.


* As opposed to storyline – ie., I want that prick Gallywix to burn, and I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have stopped there to let him have his little moment of insincere apologia.

  1. Got to say I enjoyed the Goblin starting area (only a couple of months ago), would have been nice to see a few more people but hopefully Cross Realm Zones will fix this. Not tried Gilneas and not sure if I want too now….. I probably will though – even if just for a bank alt in a tophat.

  2. Arioch said:

    I soloed through both starting zones (I think that goblin has since been deleted) with better results, thankfully.

    I do recall there being one mob that I had a dickens of a time killing in the goblin area, but I went and killed a couple cats or something, dinged, and got a useful new ability that made it easy as pie. Something stabby. All rogue abilities are the same to me. (Hence why that rogue has been deleted.)

    And I think I remember the Worgen turn in quest that was buggy, but I didn’t have any other issues.

    Looks like either I’m insanely lucky or you’re not. =(

    Oh, Yarrrrrrr! (Happy NTLAPD)

    • Leit said:

      The actual “kill x mob” quests for the gobbos were pretty well tuned to solo, but the one I had an issue with was a vehicle quest. :\ Static stats and abilities, so grinding wouldn’t have helped.

      And yes, I have a mysterious talent for breaking code. Sometimes my coworkers are amazed by the issues that I get. That said, every time I got stuck I’d head to Wowhead for a workaround, and there’d be a list of comments from people who had had the same issue…

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